It’s striking how many times in the last year or two I’ve heard some version of “You, too? I thought it was just me!” or “Is <insert literally anything> weird now?” Last week it was, “Has dating changed?” Yes, lol.
The answer is always yes.
Yes, the rage you feel is wholly justified. Yes, work feels actively anti-human. Yes, the job market is the worst of our lifetime. Yes, friends are ghosting and no-showing despite craving more connection. Yes, accessing health care is a shit show. Yes, we should consider growing our own food to stay safe. Yes, our future feels more precarious. Yes, caring for aging parents is brutal and no one prepared us. Yes, you’ve done everything right yet still can’t afford a house. Yes, there’s a widespread shortage of the meds you need to stay sane. Yes, AI is somehow both dangerous and underwhelming. Yes, it’s “normal” that your dryer broke after 4 years even though your mom’s from 1989 is still running. Yes, parenting has always been hard but it really does seem impossible today. Yes, our felon-in-chief did a dozen illegal and self-enriching things before breakfast. With no consequences. Again.
The world feels unrecognizable and broken in so many ways. Welcome to the poly-crisis!
It hurts my heart when women say they thought they were the only one struggling at work, at home, as parents. Honey, so many of us have been hanging on by our fingernails for years now! It’s not just you. But my real question is, why don’t they know that? On one hand, this reveals how much less time they spend doomscrolling than I do — and, well, that’s not a bad thing.
What might be bad, though, is that it also reveals they aren’t talking to peers about what’s truly going on. They feel like they are failing and are, understandably, keeping that to themselves. They are stuck in the “Doing good! And you?” script loop, which reinforces the fear that everyone else is keeping up just fine. Worse, not comparing notes keeps us from seeing societal patterns and putting the blame where it belongs, on the systems. Not individuals.
Despite all that, it isn’t hard to break the loop! The words and feelings are coiled, waiting to spring out. In my experience all it takes is genuinely caring how they are and being the one to kick off the vulnerability.
Most of the time I wish I were the stoic type, but that’s not me. And this is a time when I’m glad it’s not because, as a result, every one of these friends and colleagues has left our conversation feeling a little less alone.
If any of this speaks to you, please be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit for all the things you are getting done, despite living through a collective crisis. I’m here if you need me 💜